Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy Ep. 27

The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy
Episode 27
by Derald Snyder

"Peach Caroline Macintosh! What in the world were you thinking, picking a fight with a CPU?!"
The woman currently berating Peach bore a somewhat similar appearance in face and hairstyle, though her face was beginning to show wrinkles from age. Also, she was no-where near as muscular as the soldier, nor as tall or 'endowed'. Despite this, the younger blonde still flinched away from her in mild shame, still covered in bandages.
"Caroline?" Chika couldn't help but chuckle.
"Chika, not now," Vert chastised her Oracle.
"Honestly, I thought you would have grown out of this once you met Adrian and joined the military!" Lisa Macintosh continued to scold her daughter. "Haven't I always told you that CPUs are meant to be revered and respected? Haven't I?"
"But, Mom..." Peach weakly protested.
"Don't you 'but Mom' me!" Lisa cut her off. "I know Leanbox is our home now, but Planeptune was where you were born! How could you disrespect your old home like that?!"
"Because my little sister was disrespected!" Peach shouted back.
"What little sister?!" Lisa responded. "You're an only child!"
"Lisa, if I may," Vert stepped forward, "I believe Peach is referring to her counterpart from the Ultradimension..."
"Ultra what?" The older woman turned to Vert with a confused look on her face. "I don't understand what you mean, Lady Vert..."
Vert blinked, nonplussed. "Oh, did Peach never explain it to you?"
"With all due respect, Lady Vert, it was hard enough just wrapping my head around it," Peach sighed as she rubbed her temples. "So maybe you could explain it to her..."
"Well, if I must," the busty goddess sighed. "How about we go inside and have some tea, Ms. Macintosh? This might take a while..."
"As you wish, Lady Vert," Lisa bowed her head in deference.

*A while later...*
"So, do you understand now?" Vert asked as she sipped at her tea, she and the other three women seated around a table in the Basilicom's kitchen.
"I think so..." Lisa sighed. "Basically, this 'little sister' my daughter's referring to is actually Peach herself from another universe... One who apparently never aged past five, because she somehow became a CPU herself..."
'That's the gist of it," Peach nodded. "Although, you'd probably have a heart attack if you saw her HDD..."
"In that case, I don't want to know," the elder blonde shook her head. "So, the reason you got in a fight with this... Uzume Tennouboshi character, was because she hurt that other Peach's ears with a megaphone?"
"That's right, Mom," the soldier confirmed. "You shoulda seen her, she was crying her eyes out, it hurt so bad. I mean, wouldn't you get mad if *I* got hurt like that for no reason?"
"...I suppose," Lisa conceded. "But usually, it was you dishing out the hurt, not the other way around..."
"Most likely, abandonment issues stemming from when your husband ran out on his family years ago," Vert theorized.
"I thought it was because of horny teenage boys," Chika cut in.
"...Maybe a little of both," Peach shrugged. "But getting back on topic... Mom, Uzume and I made up after the fight, and I told her she could come by to spar anytime."
Lisa raised an eyebrow.
"...A-and hopefully next time we won't end up all bandaged," Peach quickly appended, drawing a curt nod from her mother.
"I hope I'm not being too forward," Chika spoke up again, "but why was it that Peach's father ran out on you in the first place?"
"...Drugs," Lisa replied. "I mean, I dabbled with them too, back then, but HE was a total junkie."
"Yeah, Mom always told me, 'Don't you dare do drugs, lest you turn out like your deadbeat father,'" Peashy noted wryly, as she sipped at her tea. "It worked."
"Well, I'm grateful for that," Vert nodded.
"As am I," Lisa agreed, sipping her tea. "At least I did something right as a mother..."
"Oh now now, you shouldn't sell yourself so short," Vert gently chided. "I think you've done a wonderful job raising Peach."
"You flatter me, Lady Vert..." Lisa smiled and shook her head. "But honestly, Adrian deserves some credit for teaching Peashy to rein in her temper. I know he's her boyfriend now, but back when they first started training together... I think he gave her some of the paternal guidance that was sorely missing from her life."
Peach pondered that for a moment as she took a sip. "Huh... never thought of it that way. But I guess you have a point, Mom."
"Well, at least this Peashy *has* a mother..." Vert said. "From what I heard, the Peashy from the Ultradimension was a complete orphan. Neptune and Plutia ended up having to raise her themselves-"
"Pffffffft!" Lisa abruptly spat out her tea all over the table. "*Cough* ...did you say... Plutia?!"
The CPU's eyes went wide at this. "Oh dear... I guess I forgot to explain that part..."
"Open mouth, insert foot time, Lady Vert," Peach moaned in dismay. "But yeah, Mom, Plutia's alive in that alternate universe... and she's a CPU herself. Actually, I already introduced her to Adrian..."
"And you never thought to inform your mother about this?!" Lisa muttered in mild anger as she wiped her mouth clean with a napkin, Chika running to get a washcloth to clean the mess...
"I... I wasn't sure how to tell you," the younger blonde bowed her head in shame. "I mean, her death was the final straw that caused Dad to leave us in the first place... Not to mention us moving to Leanbox..."
Lisa's expression softened slightly. "Well... I suppose you have a point. It must have been quite a shock for you, though..."
"Oh yeah, it was," Peashy nodded in agreement. "An even bigger shock was her HDD form..."
"...again, do I even want to know?" Lisa sighed.
"Well, does the word dominatrix mean anything to you?" Chika muttered as she finished wiping up the table.
"W...WHAT?!" The middle-aged woman screeched in shock. "Lady Vert, please tell me she's joking...!"
"...I honestly wish I could say she was," the goddess sighed. "But unfortunately, Chika speaks the truth..."
Lisa began to wobble back and forth in her seat. "O... okay... I... I think I'm going to pass out now. Good night." With that, her eyes rolled up in her head as she fainted dead away, sliding prone to the floor.
"Mother!" Peach cried as she jumped out of her seat, wincing from her bruises as she gently cradled her mother in her arms, before shooting a glare at Chika. "This. Is. Your. Fault."
"I-I'm so sorry!" the Oracle apologized. "I'll g-go get some smelling salts!" She quickly ran off.
Vert could only heave another sigh. "What a shame... we were having such a nice tea time, too..."

*Episode 27- End*